The 5 Stages of Wifey Leaving You (Alone with the Kids While She Regains Her Sanity)

Our guest dad writer, Jason, shares The Five Stages of Wifey Leaving You Alone with the Kids While She Regains Her Sanity.sanity


It can’t be the weekend already.

Tonight can’t be the night where she hangs with her friends.

“Honey…is tonight the night you are meeting your friends?” “Yes.”

No worries they will cancel. They always cancel. The weather is terrible…after all we do live in Florida.

Ultimately, she will decide that she wants to spend quality time with me and the boys.

“What time are you leaving?” “Now!”

Maybe the car won’t start. I have a few minutes to siphon the gas out. Which creates…

 2) ANGER.

How could she do this? Leave me alone with these cute…animals.

They are ruthless.

She has only spent 89 hours with the kids this week.

chess-checkmateWhat if I went fishing? She would be so upset, internalize it for a few years, and then hit me with it during a future disagreement and catch me completely defenseless.

“Honey I’m going to meet up with the boys next week.”

“Ok” she replies. Check mate.

How will I find anything? Where are the bottles, diapers, and clothes? I can’t believe this.

Which makes me lose my dignity…


“My beautiful wife…Are you sure Palma Ceia is safe this time of night?” “Yes, Jay. It is 4 pm.”

Wouldn’t you rather hang with us, change some diapers, and watch Sprout?”

“Bye, boys. Jay, make sure they are in bed by 8.”

She out negotiated me. Which spirals me into…


Why won’t they eat? How is it possible to poop that much? I love these kids, but they are the spawn of Satan. Hey…that makes me….never mind.

I wish I could call her, but her friends will make fun of me more than usual.

Is that a rash or strawberry jam? I will Google it once I wipe the diaper cream off my phone.

Which leads me to…


baby-21249_1280I had a great time hanging out with those kids. I might not have made the dinner the way they like or put them into pajamas they are used to, but we had fun, and more importantly, no one died. Job well done!

In the end, Eva deserves those peaceful moments to regain her sanity. If she wants to have dinner with her friends, or a pedicure with her mom, or a few secret cigs while parked in the shopping plaza alone while reading Tampa Bay Moms Blog, then she deserves that time.

I am so thankful to have her, as should all the men out there that go through this journey of life with a brilliant woman. She is a great mom, great friend, great daughter, great sister, great teacher, great person, and those precious moments afforded to her make those kids realize that she is the greatest part of their lives.


About Jason

JasonGuestWriterJason Philpot is married to his lovely wife of eight years. They live in Trinity with their two children. Jason works with Hillsborough County Public Schools to implement exceptional student education on the district level. He enjoys swimming, fishing and boating with his family.

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